Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) in New York City, Houston and the Woodlands
The effectiveness of EFT is Backed By Over 30 Years of Research
70-75% of couples are shown to recover from marital distress with Emotion Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is proven by research to be one of the most effective couples therapy techniques today. Even couples with high levels of conflict and distress will experience significant change, and 70-75% will recover from distress completely.
Research shows that the benefits of EFT last over time.
How I Use EFT in Marriage and Couples Therapy
Step 1: Couples Therapy Assessment:
We begin couples therapy with an initial assessment that can take between 3 and 4 visits. First, I meet with you as a couple, and then each of you will meet with me for at least one individual therapy session.
After the assessment, I will provide feedback on both the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship. I’ll also suggest a plan for how couples therapy can help improve your relationship.
I also provide counseling for couples for couples struggling in these areas: depression, difficult pregnancy or pregnancy loss, infertility, postpartum depression or parenting concerns. If you’re having issues with any of these, we’ll also look at how they may be contributing to your relationship problems.
Step 2: Understanding Your Patterns of Interaction (How You Get Stuck)
In EFT we will examine how you and your partner get stuck in negative interaction patterns.
Like most couples your arguments and challenging conversations follow familiar, repetitive patterns.
Negative patterns of interaction can drive you apart over time, leaving you feeling lonely, disappointed, and distant from each other.
Whether your fights are about money, sex, having a baby or raising a child, EFT can help.
Becoming aware of your unhealthy relationship patterns is the first step in changing them.
Step 3: Understanding Your Underlying Emotions and Relationship Needs
You’re probably aware that the unhealthy relationship patterns that you’re stuck in with your partner are emotionally charged.
In therapy, we’ll focus on the “emotional sound track” of your relationship when in conflict as this will tell us a great deal about what each of you is feeling and thinking during difficult times.
I will help you get a deeper understanding of your own and your partner’s emotions and the unmet needs that are underneath them. It is these unmet needs that lead to negative communication patterns.
Finally, I will help you talk to each other about your emotions, as well as your hopes and longings in a way that will strengthen your relationship.
At the end of this phase of treatment, you and your partner will be able to recognize and know how to avoid your negative interaction patterns, or quickly recognize them and get unstuck from them when they arise.
Part of how you will do this involves recognizing your partner’s underlying emotional needs for safety and connection when in conflict.
You will each have more empathy for each other’s pain and be able to help one another meet these deep emotional needs, creating a more positive interaction.
Step 4: Strengthening Your Relationship Bond
Once you’re aware of the automatic emotional responses that lead to negative interaction cycles, your relationship will significantly improve. You will have more constructive options in responding to each other, without fighting or assigning blame.
In the final stage of couples therapy, we’ll expand the emotional intimacy in your relationship. This is an essential step as it will be key to making lasting changes in your relationship patterns.
First, I will help you understand what happens for you when you need reassurance from your partner and you’re not getting it.
For example, you might cope by getting angry, asking for closeness and wanting to talk, or by shutting down and not talking to your partner.
Once you understand each of your deep-seated fears and insecurities that lead to your coping styles, I’ll show you how to respond to each other in a supportive way during times of disagreement.
When your partner responds to your most hidden places with love and acceptance, it creates important bonding moments. These are times of deep trust and close connection. They form the glue that will keep you and your partner together for the long term.
By the end of our therapy, you’ll be confident that you and your partner have each other’s back. You’ll know that your partner will be present to you during difficult times and will respond to you with support.
You will have a strong bond and a fulfilling relationship!
Thousands of couples across the world have benefited from Emotionally Focused Therapy in the way described above.
They changed their relationship for the better, and so can you.